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Gods with Hats is a story written by Aria and Emilia, based off of the infamous Llamas with Hats on YouTube. The main characters are two sons of Emilia, Carl and Paul.

Part 1: Why Is There A Dead Man In Our Living Room? (written by Aria)Edit

Paul

As soon as I saw the trail of blood, I knew Carl was up to something.

Exasperated, I followed the trail, and it lead me to the living room of our apartment in the mortal world. It wasn't much - just a small, bland room, with almost nothing extraordinary except for the gutted out handless man slumped against the wall.

I wasn't even horrified at this point. Disgusted, yes, but it wasn't surprising anymore.

"Caaaaaaaarl!" I shouted.

A head identical to mine popped out from the slit of the door, and said, "Yes?"

"Carl, why is there a dead man in our living room?" I groaned.

Carl looked at the crime scene, and shrugged as if he'd never seen it before. "I don't know. I've never seen this before."

"Really, Carl?" I said, my eyes narrowing on him. Carl smiled with the innocence of a child. "You know, something tells me you might have done it."

He chuckled nervously. "Hey, now, why would you think I did it?"

"Carl, there's literally no one else who'd do this."

Carl laughed sheepishly. "I may have done it."

I buried my face in my hands, utterly irritared. "Why would you do such a thing?" I looked back at the corpse, noticing a certain detail about him. "And why doesn't he have hands?"

"Heh, heh," he started, "I wanted hands for lunch, and he was the nearest guy, so I stabbed him a hundred times and then chopped his hands off, cooked it and ate it."

I nearly puked. "Caaaaaaarl!"

"Hey, it's not my fault I have an appetite for hands! And I also needed to get started on my meat dragon."

"Gods, Carl."

Part 2: The Sunken Cruise Ship of References (Written by Emilia)Edit

Carl

Should I tell my brother the truth about the ruckus? At this rate, Paul would be even more surprised at what I did today.

"Caaaaaaaaarl!" My brother shouted at me.

"I'm not sure what you are referring to." I replied nervously.

Paul's face got scrunched up again. "YOU SUNK AN ENTIRE CRUISE SHIP!"

"Are you sure that was me?" I questioned. "I would think I'd remember something like that."

"You fired a harpoon into the captain's face!" Paul screamed at me.

Nothing was coming back to me.

"You were head-butting children off the ship!"

Still nothing.

"Then you started making out with the ice sculptures!"

Ah. Now it was coming back to me. What fun I had...

"Caaaaaarl! What's this sticky mess at the bottom of the lifeboat?"

Should I lie to my brother? Nah forget it. I wouldn't remember it anyways.

"It's the lovely elderly couple from 2B." I replied with a smirk across my face.

Eventually, my brother shouted my name again, all annoyed and fed-up. Next, he inquired about where all the lifeboats were besides the one we were standing in. Once I revealed the truth, he continued to scream my name like it was Taboo.

"Shhh! D'you hear that? That's the sound of forgiveness." I spoke back.

"That's the sound of people drowning Caaaaarl!" Paul replied, frustrated with me.

"That is what forgiveness sounds like. Screaming and then silence."

Part 3: My Name Is Paul (written by Aria)Edit

Paul

"Caaaaaaarl!"

I looked at the flying debris, then back at my supposedly confused brother. "We're supposed to be on vacation."

"I don't know about you, but I'm having a wonderful time here," Carl replied.

"You toppled the South American government, Carl!" I yelled.

"The people were speaking, viva la resistance," Carl countered.

"You pushed the resistance leader into a giant fan." My eye started to twitch in annoyance.

"He was a traitor and a scoundrel!"

"He was trying to stop you from pushing other people into the giant fan."

Carl had no counterattacks left, so kept looking at me with his defensive expression. Out of the blue, a leg kicked Carl from the inside of his stomach.

"Oh, that was a foot." Carl widened his eyes on it, not too confused. "I appear to have swallowed an entire person."

I groaned. "That would be the hotel bartender."

"Well, that would explain why my mojito is taking so long."

"It was horrifying," I said, cringing from the memory. "Your mouth unhinged like a snake."

"Wow, that sounds pretty awesome."

I breathed heavily. After a long pause, I concluded, "I can't go anywhere with you, Carl."

"That hurt my feelings," Carl replied, looking genuinely hurt. "Now we're both in the wrong."

"I wanna go home. We're leaving." I was turning around, but Carl started speaking.

"In that case, I should probably mention that I filled our luggage with orphan meat."

"Wh–whaaat?" I was honestly more confused than ever.

"Well," Carl's voice went into the speech-mode, "I'm building a meat dragon, and not just any meat will do."

I facepalmed. "You know what? I'm not even shocked anymore."

"Aww, that's no fun."

"This has become the norm for you, Carl."

"Looks like I've got to try harder," Carl's eyes lit up.

"Please, don't," My eyes midened.

"I feel like I've been challenged."

"Caaaaaaarl!''

"It's too late now!" Carl was turning around to get started on yet another gore-filled mission.

"Caaaaaaarl!"

Carl tried to say something, but instead, he said, "You..."

My jaw fell. "'You'?"

"I totally don't remember your name."

"We've known each other for a hundred years, Carl!"

"And what an impression you've made."

"My name is Paul," I finally said.

Carl's eyebrows creased. "What?"

"I said my name is Paul."

"Oh," Carl said after a long silence, "I thought you were a woman."

I had absolutely nothing left to say now. "Why would you think that?"

"Mostly the hat," Carl said, eyeing my flowery pink hat. I groaned. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Well, if you'll excuse me, I have some pictures to delete from my computer."

Part 4: Happy Birthday Paul! (Written by Emilia)Edit

Carl

Today was my brother's birthday, and I had planned the biggest of schemes. If he didn't enjoy this, then I might have to give up the scheming forever.

"CAAARL! You've tracked mud all over the carpet." My brother lamented like he always does.

"Now that right there is a mess." I exclaim in distaste.

"I just has it cleaned yesterday!" Paul groaned.

I raise my hoofs. "I'm not responsible for this! I've been jamming on the saxophone all morning. Perhaps the imposter is a phantom!"

Paul looks frustrated as he retorts. Giving a quick nod, my stunt operator activates the surprise effect. I keep hearing out Paul until the wall in our house blows off.

"CAAAAARL!" Paul shouts with distain.

"Happy Birthday Paul!" I exclaim.

Paul groaned and starts complaining that I've gone too far this times. As I explain it was just fairy dust. Paul gets more and more annoyed.

"Just imagine all the roasted faces we get to munch on now!"

Paul throws up. Okay, maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Nah, it was.

"Then you're not going to like your birthday decorations."

Millions of faces starting coming in towards us. Unfortunately, they all looked raw.

"I think I'm going to--OH GAWD ONE TOUCHED ME!" Paul panicked.

"Don't you keep forgetting Paul? I'm a sociopath with a LONG history of violence."

"Yeah, no kidding!"

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